Father forgive them for they know not what they do. Hear my voice now Father. Give me a moment before you let anger consume You. Forgive them dear Lord. Remember You sent me here to save them and to intercede on their behalves. Hear me now precious Father. Please turn away Your wrath. They don't understand who I am Father. Forgive them. They just don't understand.
They whipped me for the liar who claims to tell the truth. He lies so much Father that even I want it to be true. He left work early just the other day, but when he signed his timesheet it was for 40 hours pay. He doesn't understand that the price for those 15 minutes was the very first nail that they placed in my hand. The pain was so excrutiating I thought I would pass out. Instead my ears began ringing from the sound of nail crushing the bones in my hand.
Forgive them dear Father. How was she to know that cussing out that driver would harm me? I still feel the force of those blows. But I'm not angry Father even as I hang. The lashes across my face are dripping blood into my eyes. But I still see her Father she is so angry without a real reason why. The woman that she cussed out had the right of way, but the angry driver used those words because she was having a bad day. Her first word was the short one that begins with s and ends with t. Oh how I feel the pain that that word caused me. The whip pierced my eyesocket momentarily blinding me. But the blood pooling from my face is not merely for her cuss words. They whipped me for everyone who cried Hosanna then crucify Him as if the first word was not heard.
Forgive them Father. It is the only thing to do. They do not understand that this act is about denying you. Father I ask you to consider all of them at once. The liar, the thief, the prostitute, the selfish who are consumed with their own wants. Father, please Forgive them. The pain it hurts me so, but I can't believe they would've hung me if in their hearts they'd known. I sat with you in heaven. I loved them before they were born. I was delighted when they sought you and in their sin I mourned. I didn't want to leave you. Father, you know my words are true. But the love we felt for these Your people was bigger than Me sitting beside You. Father how could they know truly how much they are loved? You sent Me, Your only Son, from heaven to hang here. They couldn't know. Inside my organs are failing, dying one by one. For the cheater my kidney...his mistress my liver... the addict will take both of my lungs... The pain is agonizing. It is a steady assault with no end. For Candy's attitude they stoned me, Natalie's gossip they kicked me, and Brenda's backbiting... Lord God when will it end? For the 8 kids that he fathered year after year with no wife... For the drugs that he sold or the IRS money he stole... Lord forgive them. Please just try.
The very flesh on my body aches for the fights that were caused,the commandments, the laws, and the silver coins that Judas had to take. The gambling, the cars, the lust you have for porn stars...just a moment with them is what I'm carrying today. The pain Father the pain. I'm trying Father. Help me to maintain. You sent me to die for their sins. I have to hold on until I've felt each and every one. I must hang here for the 3 year old who pushed his sister down. For the mother who took the fruit for her kids to eat cause their daddy was no longer around. For the one who denies me and attaches atheist to their name. For the Muslim, the Buddhist, the Christians are not the only ones for which I came. For Father you love them one and all. The murderer, baby mama, and the booty call.... The slut, the whore, the rapist, and the pedophile. Your love covers them all not just those who choose You. But Daddy the pain that is on me is unbearable. Lord God are You there? I can't take this anymore Father. I've had all I can bear. Forgive them precious, merciful Father. I'm pleading. I'm begging You. Daddy do you hear me? Daddy! Daddy! Where are You? I've taken on their sins Father what more must I bear? Transgressions, iniquities, healing... Father are You there? Have You forsaken me Father? Have You abandoned me? Please Father, please I'm gasping for air. Father please forgive them for they know not what they do. Daddy! Daddy! Daddy! (SIGH) I'm through.
Saturday, March 30, 2013
Friday, March 29, 2013
Father Forgive Them
Father forgive them for they know not what they do. Hear my voice now Father. Give me a moment before you let anger consume you. Forgive them dear Lord. Remember You sent me here to save them and to intercede on their behalves. Hear me now precious Father. Please turn away Your wrath. They don't understand who I am Father. Forgive them. They just don't understand.
They whipped me for the liar who claims to tell the truth. He lies so much Father that even I want it to be true. He left work early just the other day, but when he signed his timesheet it was for 40 hours pay. He doesn't understand that the price for those 15 minutes was the very first nail that they placed in my hand. The pain was so excrutiating I thought I would pass out. Instead my ears began ringing from the sound of nail crushing the bones in my hand.
Forgive them dear Father. How was she to know that cussing out that driver would harm me? I still feel the force of those blows. But I'm not angry Father even as I hang. The lashes across my face are dripping blood into my eyes. But I still see her Father she is so angry without a real reason why. The woman that she cussed out had the right of way, but the angry driver used those words because she was having a bad day. Her first word was the short one that begins with s and ends with t. Oh how I feel the pain that that word caused me. The whip pierced my eyesocket momentarily blinding me. But the blood pooling from my face is not merely for her cuss words. They whipped me for everyone who cried Hosanna then crucify Him as if the first word was not heard.
Forgive them Father. It is the only thing to do. They do not understand that this act is about denying you. Father I ask you to consider all of them at once. The liar, the thief, the prostitute, the selfish who are consumed with their own wants. Father, please Forgive them. The pain it hurts me so, but I can't believe they would've hung me if in their hearts they'd known. I sat with you in heaven. I loved them before they were born. I was delighted when they sought you and in their sin I mourned. I didn't want to leave you. Father, you know my words are true. But the love we felt for these Your people was bigger than Me sitting beside You. Father how could they know truly how much they are loved? You sent Me, Your only Son, from heaven to hang here. They couldn't know. Inside my organs are failing, dying one by one. For the cheater my kidney.... for the addict my lungs... The pain is agonizing. Oh heavenly Father the pain.... I can't hold on much longer. Father, can you hear me? Are you there? Have You left me all alone? Daddy! Daddy! Father....please welcome Me back home.
They whipped me for the liar who claims to tell the truth. He lies so much Father that even I want it to be true. He left work early just the other day, but when he signed his timesheet it was for 40 hours pay. He doesn't understand that the price for those 15 minutes was the very first nail that they placed in my hand. The pain was so excrutiating I thought I would pass out. Instead my ears began ringing from the sound of nail crushing the bones in my hand.
Forgive them dear Father. How was she to know that cussing out that driver would harm me? I still feel the force of those blows. But I'm not angry Father even as I hang. The lashes across my face are dripping blood into my eyes. But I still see her Father she is so angry without a real reason why. The woman that she cussed out had the right of way, but the angry driver used those words because she was having a bad day. Her first word was the short one that begins with s and ends with t. Oh how I feel the pain that that word caused me. The whip pierced my eyesocket momentarily blinding me. But the blood pooling from my face is not merely for her cuss words. They whipped me for everyone who cried Hosanna then crucify Him as if the first word was not heard.
Forgive them Father. It is the only thing to do. They do not understand that this act is about denying you. Father I ask you to consider all of them at once. The liar, the thief, the prostitute, the selfish who are consumed with their own wants. Father, please Forgive them. The pain it hurts me so, but I can't believe they would've hung me if in their hearts they'd known. I sat with you in heaven. I loved them before they were born. I was delighted when they sought you and in their sin I mourned. I didn't want to leave you. Father, you know my words are true. But the love we felt for these Your people was bigger than Me sitting beside You. Father how could they know truly how much they are loved? You sent Me, Your only Son, from heaven to hang here. They couldn't know. Inside my organs are failing, dying one by one. For the cheater my kidney.... for the addict my lungs... The pain is agonizing. Oh heavenly Father the pain.... I can't hold on much longer. Father, can you hear me? Are you there? Have You left me all alone? Daddy! Daddy! Father....please welcome Me back home.
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
And Then....
And then there was none. I have a million things on my mind, homework that's not quite done, and I'm one post away from 2006 or 2007.... either one would be accurate. I need to focus, sleep, eat something. Sigh, I have a way to say it so here it goes. Just like Derwin I don't want to go....
Adayinthelife:-)
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
This I Promise You
Until the day my life is through, this I promise you...for those who know the sweet melodies of NSYNC. I have that song and sleep battling it out for my attention so I will be brief. I realized something last week that I already knew was happening, but I wasn't quite ready to embrace. It is the death of being so accommodating. I used to do things that I didn't want to do so often that I forgot I didn't want to do them. The over 100,000 miles on my car is a testament to trips I was too worn out to take, but went anyway. Days when I should have taken a moment but I traveled, baked, or just made myself accessible. Don't get me wrong I like road trips. I love baking and I like being there for people. I just realize that I was letting what everyone else wanted to do shape my days. Everything comes with positives and negatives. I am calmer, less stressed, and able to read my bible more. I am also missing moments, memories, and just being with you. But....(and you will have to know the song to get this) every word I say is true. This I promise you. I promise you.
Adayinthelife;)
Saturday, March 23, 2013
Agreement
So it's the middle of the night and I'm up because my nap turned into an afternoon in la la land. It's all good though. I am happy that I get the opportunity to write. On this evening's menu is something that has been on my mind for a little while. Do we understand what it means to be in agreement?
Agreement is defined as a harmony of opinion, action, or character. If we are in agreement, we are in harmony. If we are in agreement, we are on one accord. I wonder about our understanding of agreement because some things just cannot be in harmony. On the other hand, agreement is essential to life. When I think about agreement, I think about marriage. In a marriage, the husband & wife are one body. In a marriage, the husband & wife must be on one accord. It is impossible for the relationship to thrive if the two fail to understand agreement. It is impossible for the relationship to live unless they are of one accord. How can a husband have friends that offend his wife? How can the wife have friends who don't like her husband? If they are one body, to offend one is to offend both. If they are one body, to dislike one is to dislike both. But this is not the whole of it.
When I think about agreement, I think about relationship. Friendships flourish or fail based on the level of agreement between the members. The bible says in Amos 3:3, "can two walk together, except they be agreed?" Can two people remain friends, thick as thieves, bffs, ace boon coons, homies, or whatever if they are not in agreement? No, they cannot. As the people change, the relationship changes. Problems arise because people don't understand agreement. How can a Christian, an agent for Christ, be best friends with a nonbeliever? And still this is not the whole of it.
When I think about agreement, I think about family. The popular saying is that families fight. People say it, accept it, and in some ways look forward to it. But again I go to the bible in Matthew 12:50. Jesus said "For whosoever shall do the will of my Father which is in heaven, the same is my brother, and sister, and mother." He was saying whoever shall be in agreement with my Father, this person is in my family. It was not whoever I fight with. It was about being on one accord with the Father. This is the whole of it.
Marriage is about being on one accord with the Father. Friendships are about being on one accord with the Father. Family is about being on one accord with the Father. The Christian life is completely about being on one accord with the Father. Christians must live in agreement with the Father. Christians must live in harmony with the Father. Doing so is about embracing the Christian life. Doing so is about honoring God. Doing so is about preserving that which is most important. Agreement.
Adayinthelife:-)
Agreement is defined as a harmony of opinion, action, or character. If we are in agreement, we are in harmony. If we are in agreement, we are on one accord. I wonder about our understanding of agreement because some things just cannot be in harmony. On the other hand, agreement is essential to life. When I think about agreement, I think about marriage. In a marriage, the husband & wife are one body. In a marriage, the husband & wife must be on one accord. It is impossible for the relationship to thrive if the two fail to understand agreement. It is impossible for the relationship to live unless they are of one accord. How can a husband have friends that offend his wife? How can the wife have friends who don't like her husband? If they are one body, to offend one is to offend both. If they are one body, to dislike one is to dislike both. But this is not the whole of it.
When I think about agreement, I think about relationship. Friendships flourish or fail based on the level of agreement between the members. The bible says in Amos 3:3, "can two walk together, except they be agreed?" Can two people remain friends, thick as thieves, bffs, ace boon coons, homies, or whatever if they are not in agreement? No, they cannot. As the people change, the relationship changes. Problems arise because people don't understand agreement. How can a Christian, an agent for Christ, be best friends with a nonbeliever? And still this is not the whole of it.
When I think about agreement, I think about family. The popular saying is that families fight. People say it, accept it, and in some ways look forward to it. But again I go to the bible in Matthew 12:50. Jesus said "For whosoever shall do the will of my Father which is in heaven, the same is my brother, and sister, and mother." He was saying whoever shall be in agreement with my Father, this person is in my family. It was not whoever I fight with. It was about being on one accord with the Father. This is the whole of it.
Marriage is about being on one accord with the Father. Friendships are about being on one accord with the Father. Family is about being on one accord with the Father. The Christian life is completely about being on one accord with the Father. Christians must live in agreement with the Father. Christians must live in harmony with the Father. Doing so is about embracing the Christian life. Doing so is about honoring God. Doing so is about preserving that which is most important. Agreement.
Adayinthelife:-)
Thursday, March 21, 2013
They Asked God For a King
Have you found yourself in a situation where you regret the very thing you asked God for? Have you lamented about poor treatment from the one who you say is worthy of you worshipping the ground he walks on? Have you plotted & prayed for a leader that is not quite what you had in mind? Well my friend, you are not alone. You see God's chosen people found themselves in the very predicaments that I speak of. First, they asked Aaron to make them gods to worship. Then they boldly demanded that Samuel appoint a king.
Both of these instances were reactions to human feelings and fear.
In Exodus 32:1 it says "When the people saw that Moses was so long in coming down from the mountain, they gathered around Aaron and said, “Come, make us gods[a] who will go before us. As for this fellow Moses who brought us up out of Egypt, we don’t know what has happened to him.”
The people forgot that it was God who led them, not Moses. They feared that Moses was not to return so instead of looking to the true source, they asked for a substitute. The bible details in 1 Samuel 8 the story of how Israel again forgot who was leading them. Verses 4 & 5 read
"So all the elders of Israel gathered together and came to Samuel at Ramah. They said to him, “You are old, and your sons do not follow your ways; now appoint a king to lead[b] us, such as all the other nations have.”
This request bold as it was stemmed from the feeling that Samuel's sons would not lead in the manner that he had. Again what was missed was the sovereignty of God. God lead Israel out of Egypt. God was already Israel's King. The people were too shortsighted to see that they had what they were asking for. Worshipping other gods and being subject to earthly rulers created havoc that still reigns today. So when you find yourself kneeling, bowing, or just beginning to pray; keep in mind what Israel forgot when they asked God for a king.
Adayinthelife:-)
In Exodus 32:1 it says "When the people saw that Moses was so long in coming down from the mountain, they gathered around Aaron and said, “Come, make us gods[a] who will go before us. As for this fellow Moses who brought us up out of Egypt, we don’t know what has happened to him.”
The people forgot that it was God who led them, not Moses. They feared that Moses was not to return so instead of looking to the true source, they asked for a substitute. The bible details in 1 Samuel 8 the story of how Israel again forgot who was leading them. Verses 4 & 5 read
"So all the elders of Israel gathered together and came to Samuel at Ramah. They said to him, “You are old, and your sons do not follow your ways; now appoint a king to lead[b] us, such as all the other nations have.”
This request bold as it was stemmed from the feeling that Samuel's sons would not lead in the manner that he had. Again what was missed was the sovereignty of God. God lead Israel out of Egypt. God was already Israel's King. The people were too shortsighted to see that they had what they were asking for. Worshipping other gods and being subject to earthly rulers created havoc that still reigns today. So when you find yourself kneeling, bowing, or just beginning to pray; keep in mind what Israel forgot when they asked God for a king.
Adayinthelife:-)
Monday, March 18, 2013
Fraud
So today I went to an Al Anon meeting. I wanted to leave after only five minutes. Unfortunately, I was seated across the room from the door and my departure would have been more conspicuous as my just being there. Before I get too far into this, I went to the meeting for school. I am not currently dealing with an alcoholic. I make this distinction because at times people confuse the wide range of my life with my here and now. This truth is partially why I felt like a fraud. I stopped living the life of someone who was consumed with an alcoholic some time ago. But there I was, a silent intruder, sitting surrounded by people whose struggle is fresh.
I wanted to leave, but I sat there wondering when they would stop talking so I could flee the scene of my emotional crime. I hated being there just as I hate so much of what has become my school experience (rest assured there is a post coming about that). I was told it would be good to see what it was like to be in a group. I didn't need to spend an hour out of my day with that. I've loved an alcoholic for 18 years. I've lived what I listened to. There were moments when he hurt me, disappointed me, made me feel completely helpless. I remember pleading with him to calm down moments before the police led him away for what they thought was him threatening my neighbor with a knife. I remember calling around for hours looking for him when he disappeared in the middle of the night. I didn't need to go to a meeting to see what it is like. The thing is, I am so beyond all of that.
Truthfully, none of it is what defined our relationship or dictated my memories. I remember when I was lost and consumed with grief. He was the one who God sent to help me. He was the one who sat with me in a graveyard in the middle of the night. He was the one that let me grieve the way that I needed to. He was the one who held my hand, let me cry, and reminded me what it was to live. I didn't need to go there to know what living with an alcoholic was like. I didn't need to hear someone say to me " we've all been where you are right now". They haven't. Not at all. They've never been totally alright with loving an alcoholic regardless of the ups and downs. They've never been a fraud.
I'm a fraud because even when things were bad, never not once did I feel like going to a meeting. Never did I feel completely powerless or like my life was out of control. He tried to cut my leg once with a machete, but not even that made me want to do anything except make sure he was going to be safe. I've never felt like I couldn't go forward because he had a drink. His drinking impacted moments in my life certainly. But his love, his patience, his friendship defined those moments. I didn't need to be there to know what it was like. Adayinthelife:-)
I wanted to leave, but I sat there wondering when they would stop talking so I could flee the scene of my emotional crime. I hated being there just as I hate so much of what has become my school experience (rest assured there is a post coming about that). I was told it would be good to see what it was like to be in a group. I didn't need to spend an hour out of my day with that. I've loved an alcoholic for 18 years. I've lived what I listened to. There were moments when he hurt me, disappointed me, made me feel completely helpless. I remember pleading with him to calm down moments before the police led him away for what they thought was him threatening my neighbor with a knife. I remember calling around for hours looking for him when he disappeared in the middle of the night. I didn't need to go to a meeting to see what it is like. The thing is, I am so beyond all of that.
Truthfully, none of it is what defined our relationship or dictated my memories. I remember when I was lost and consumed with grief. He was the one who God sent to help me. He was the one who sat with me in a graveyard in the middle of the night. He was the one that let me grieve the way that I needed to. He was the one who held my hand, let me cry, and reminded me what it was to live. I didn't need to go there to know what living with an alcoholic was like. I didn't need to hear someone say to me " we've all been where you are right now". They haven't. Not at all. They've never been totally alright with loving an alcoholic regardless of the ups and downs. They've never been a fraud.
I'm a fraud because even when things were bad, never not once did I feel like going to a meeting. Never did I feel completely powerless or like my life was out of control. He tried to cut my leg once with a machete, but not even that made me want to do anything except make sure he was going to be safe. I've never felt like I couldn't go forward because he had a drink. His drinking impacted moments in my life certainly. But his love, his patience, his friendship defined those moments. I didn't need to be there to know what it was like. Adayinthelife:-)
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