And Then....

And then there was none. I have a million things on my mind, homework that's not quite done, and I'm one post away from 2006 or 2007.... either one would be accurate. I need to focus, sleep, eat something. Sigh, I have a way to say it so here it goes. Just like Derwin I don't want to go.... Adayinthelife:-)

This I Promise You

Until the day my life is through, this I promise you...for those who know the sweet melodies of NSYNC. I have that song and sleep battling it out for my attention so I will be brief. I realized something last week that I already knew was happening, but I wasn't quite ready to embrace. It is the death of being so accommodating. I used to do things that I didn't want to do so often that I forgot I didn't want to do them. The over 100,000 miles on my car is a testament to trips I was too worn out to take, but went anyway. Days when I should have taken a moment but I traveled, baked, or just made myself accessible. Don't get me wrong I like road trips. I love baking and I like being there for people. I just realize that I was letting what everyone else wanted to do shape my days. Everything comes with positives and negatives. I am calmer, less stressed, and able to read my bible more. I am also missing moments, memories, and just being with you. But....(and you will have to know the song to get this) every word I say is true. This I promise you. I promise you. Adayinthelife;)

Agreement

So it's the middle of the night and I'm up because my nap turned into an afternoon in la la land. It's all good though. I am happy that I get the opportunity to write. On this evening's menu is something that has been on my mind for a little while. Do we understand what it means to be in agreement?

Agreement is defined as a harmony of opinion, action, or character. If we are in agreement, we are in harmony. If we are in agreement, we are on one accord. I wonder about our understanding of agreement because some things just cannot be in harmony. On the other hand, agreement is essential to life. When I think about agreement, I think about marriage. In a marriage, the husband & wife are one body. In a marriage, the husband & wife must be on one accord. It is impossible for the relationship to thrive if the two fail to understand agreement. It is impossible for the relationship to live unless they are of one accord. How can a husband have friends that offend his wife? How can the wife have friends who don't like her husband? If they are one body, to offend one is to offend both. If they are one body, to dislike one is to dislike both. But this is not the whole of it.

When I think about agreement, I think about relationship. Friendships flourish or fail based on the level of agreement between the members. The bible says in Amos 3:3, "can two walk together, except they be agreed?" Can two people remain friends, thick as thieves, bffs, ace boon coons, homies, or whatever if they are not in agreement? No, they cannot. As the people change, the relationship changes. Problems arise because people don't understand agreement. How can a Christian, an agent for Christ, be best friends with a nonbeliever? And still this is not the whole of it.

When I think about agreement, I think about family. The popular saying is that families fight. People say it, accept it, and in some ways look forward to it. But again I go to the bible in Matthew 12:50. Jesus said "For whosoever shall do the will of my Father which is in heaven, the same is my brother, and sister, and mother." He was saying whoever shall be in agreement with my Father, this person is in my family. It was not whoever I fight with. It was about being on one accord with the Father. This is the whole of it.

Marriage is about being on one accord with the Father. Friendships are about being on one accord with the Father. Family is about being on one accord with the Father. The Christian life is completely about being on one accord with the Father. Christians must live in agreement with the Father. Christians must live in harmony with the Father. Doing so is about embracing the Christian life. Doing so is about honoring God. Doing so is about preserving that which is most important. Agreement.

 Adayinthelife:-)

They Asked God For a King

Have you found yourself in a situation where you regret the very thing you asked God for? Have you lamented about poor treatment from the one who you say is worthy of you worshipping the ground he walks on? Have you plotted & prayed for a leader that is not quite what you had in mind? Well my friend, you are not alone. You see God's chosen people found themselves in the very predicaments that I speak of. First, they asked Aaron to make them gods to worship. Then they boldly demanded that Samuel appoint a king. Both of these instances were reactions to human feelings and fear.

In Exodus 32:1 it says "When the people saw that Moses was so long in coming down from the mountain, they gathered around Aaron and said, “Come, make us gods[a] who will go before us. As for this fellow Moses who brought us up out of Egypt, we don’t know what has happened to him.”

The people forgot that it was God who led them, not Moses. They feared that Moses was not to return so instead of looking to the true source, they asked for a substitute. The bible details in 1 Samuel 8 the story of how Israel again forgot who was leading them. Verses 4 & 5 read

"So all the elders of Israel gathered together and came to Samuel at Ramah. They said to him, “You are old, and your sons do not follow your ways; now appoint a king to lead[b] us, such as all the other nations have.”

This request bold as it was stemmed from the feeling that Samuel's sons would not lead in the manner that he had. Again what was missed was the sovereignty of God. God lead Israel out of Egypt. God was already Israel's King. The people were too shortsighted to see that they had what they were asking for. Worshipping other gods and being subject to earthly rulers created havoc that still reigns today. So when you find yourself kneeling, bowing, or just beginning to pray; keep in mind what Israel forgot when they asked God for a king.

 Adayinthelife:-)

Fraud

So today I went to an Al Anon meeting. I wanted to leave after only five minutes. Unfortunately, I was seated across the room from the door and my departure would have been more conspicuous as my just being there. Before I get too far into this, I went to the meeting for school. I am not currently dealing with an alcoholic. I make this distinction because at times people confuse the wide range of my life with my here and now. This truth is partially why I felt like a fraud. I stopped living the life of someone who was consumed with an alcoholic some time ago. But there I was, a silent intruder, sitting surrounded by people whose struggle is fresh.

I wanted to leave, but I sat there wondering when they would stop talking so I could flee the scene of my emotional crime. I hated being there just as I hate so much of what has become my school experience (rest assured there is a post coming about that). I was told it would be good to see what it was like to be in a group. I didn't need to spend an hour out of my day with that. I've loved an alcoholic for 18 years. I've lived what I listened to. There were moments when he hurt me, disappointed me, made me feel completely helpless. I remember pleading with him to calm down moments before the police led him away for what they thought was him threatening my neighbor with a knife. I remember calling around for hours looking for him when he disappeared in the middle of the night. I didn't need to go to a meeting to see what it is like. The thing is, I am so beyond all of that.

Truthfully, none of it is what defined our relationship or dictated my memories. I remember when I was lost and consumed with grief. He was the one who God sent to help me. He was the one who sat with me in a graveyard in the middle of the night. He was the one that let me grieve the way that I needed to. He was the one who held my hand, let me cry, and reminded me what it was to live. I didn't need to go there to know what living with an alcoholic was like. I didn't need to hear someone say to me " we've all been where you are right now". They haven't. Not at all. They've never been totally alright with loving an alcoholic regardless of the ups and downs. They've never been a fraud.

I'm a fraud because even when things were bad, never not once did I feel like going to a meeting. Never did I feel completely powerless or like my life was out of control. He tried to cut my leg once with a machete, but not even that made me want to do anything except make sure he was going to be safe. I've never felt like I couldn't go forward because he had a drink. His drinking impacted moments in my life certainly. But his love, his patience, his friendship defined those moments. I didn't need to be there to know what it was like. Adayinthelife:-)

You Make Me Sick

You know what Candy? You make me sick. You make me sick the way you sit around and let people talk to you any kind of way. I mean did you hear what he said to you? "You need to lose weight. Nobody asked for your stupid opinion. You F'ing idiot." Really Candy?? You just sat there talking to God in your head. When he screamed shut up, you could've screamed shut up back. But noooo...you'd rather ignore the fact that your silence is killing me. I'm dying! Do you get that? You are making me sick. You had a perfect opportunity to go off on that chick with her slick comments about your man. I can't believe you said a prayer for her.

WAKE UP CANDY! WAKE UP!

I'm dying and youre saying prayers? Really??? One F word would charge the paddles to 300. Punching her in the face would have completely restored me. But no...you and this the Lord will fight for me crap. Listen if you cuss her out, He will forgive you. You all into the bible now. It says that right? Cuss her out. Please cuss her out. If you don't, I'm not going to make it. I'm not going to be able to survive. I need your help. I need...

"Somebody get in here quick. We're losing him. Charge the paddles. Charge the paddles. What do you mean they won't charge? There must be something. He will die without her feeding him. Kick her. Spit on her. Talk about her mama. Do something to get her mad enough to sin. Hurry... He's gone.

Patient name - anger
Time of death - 6:13p.m.
Cause of death - starvation

Taking The Next Step

A girl can't help but feel a certain level of excitement when the man she loves says "it's time to take it to the next level". This is a defining moment in a relationship. It signals the moment that their relationship goes from semi committed to the real deal. Phone calls to her parents and closest friends are followed by the inevitable Facebook post and status change. You feel the excitement in her words as you read "We're MOVING IN TOGETHER!!!!" Within minutes the number of likes on her post goes from 10,25,50, to 100. The comments are all "congrats" and "get it girl it's about time". One enthusiastic poster even writes "I told you he was gone step up". As you read, you are completely perplexed. When did moving in together become taking the next step? And why hadn't anybody told you? The easy thing to do would be to just press like. Copy someone else's congratulatory message. Post it as my own. Hit send. But, something keeps gnawing at me. Something keeps making me stare at the screen waiting for the punchline, an error message, or simply to wake up. This just must be a dream. You are certain that she always talked about getting married. She always talked about raising a family and living to honor God. Now, she's super excited to be moving in together???? Now, she's championing him "taking their relationship to the next level" when the only thing that's changing is her address.... It would be so easy to just press like, but you can't. You can't pretend to be excited about someone moving in together. You can't pretend that "taking it to the next level" means anything to you except standing before God and vowing to love each other as He loves. Because that is what its all about. The next level has nothing to do with playing house. The next level is about declaring that you will love, honor, and respect her. The next level is about a covenant relationship. The next level is about where you are in your relationship with God....sigh Adayinthelife