Praise Report

Praise report: I had a back injury that caused me to miss a significant amount of work in December. I was very anxious about how my pay would be affected because during my time at home I exhausted all of my paid leave.

In November, I took on some additional responsibility at school. I knew that this would help, but I didn't have a clear picture of how. I received my pay on Tuesday. After they were done adding and subtracting money, I only lost $1! I was stunned, though I shouldn't have been because that's just how God works. He has it all taken care of. The lesson I was reminded of was don't worry about tomorrow. Tomorrow will take care of itself. :)

When He Speaks

So this is the first follow up to "At His Word". It is called when he speaks because this morning I felt so alive just replaying his words. I just realized that this is going to be a little like yesterday's post because what I want to say so perfectly lines up. Let me try to get this out.

Have you ever met someone who was so tuned in to the spirit that their words were like God's words? Their thoughts were so profound that it was like God himself had to place it there and twist and turn it around? Their actions revealed the very essence of what being for God was all about... This is the way this man is. He is so passionate about God that when he speaks I feel God. I feel his desire to be like the Father. It is awesome for me because I've never had that in a relationship. I've never been able to say this is truly a man after God's own heart. I didn't know how valuable that was or how valuable it would make me feel.

When he speaks, I am renewed. I am hopeful. I am able to breathe again. When he speaks.....

At His Word

I have been thinking three words all day today. "At His Word" At his word means so much because there is more than one way to look at it. I came to Tallahassee "at His word". I became a minister "at His word". I live and breathe "at His word". The thing is today the phrase kind of has a new sound. It's more like "at his word". I want to expand the thought, but I'm afraid to even know what it means. Stay tuned...

Family

The holidays are always a special time in my family. We come together to laugh and celebrate being together. It is always an absolute love fest. I look forward to Thanksgiving with my dad's side of the family and Christmas with my mom's. This is the first year in 35 that my holiday is going to look a little different. A little is truly an understatement. I am not even going to be in the same state with anyone in my "family".

I am spending my first holiday away from the shelter of mom, dad, aunts, and uncles. I have been so completely happy about the person that I am going to be with that I had forgotten about those that I will be leaving behind. I guess it's going to be bitter sweet.... I say that I guess because it seems like the statement that is "supposed" to go there. I am supposed to feel some since of sadness. Truthfully, I am just happy. I am happy to be embarking on this new journey with my new family.

He is my family. He is in every single sense of the word and I am thankful and amazed that he has opened himself up to me.... He is my family. :) I think that's about all I have to say about that.

Existing

So it would seem that I am back in the saddle on this little blog of mine. This morning I am motivated by two young people that are very important to me. They are young and in love and they are doing their best to navigate this thing called life. They face challenges everyday just like the rest of us, but I admire them because they don't back down. I admire them because they just keep fighting for what they feel like is important. I admire them because they have decided that living a life together is far more important than just existing.

Many of us choose to exist. We choose to give reasons why we can't move forward. We qualify everything without trying anything. At the end of the day we miss out on so much. We miss out on experiences. We miss out on growth. We miss out on love. We waste the time that we have been given because we are so afraid of getting it wrong. We are so afraid of being hurt again. So afraid of being disappointed. And though we don't admit it...would never imagine it was true, the thing we are most afraid of is being loved.

The Backup Plan

I guess I was supposed to have a backup plan. I was supposed to know that my summer wouldn't turn out the way I hoped. I was supposed to know that disappointment would lead to an indescribable feeling of elation. Really? How could I know that before the summer was out my grandfather would be gone? He left us but I haven't dealt with it. I haven't figured out how to. I didn't know his death would fall smack dab in the middle of one of the best summers of my life. I don't know that it mattered at least not in a practical sense.

His passing made me reflective but it also opened me up to receive love in a different way. I can't explain how amazing it was to watch people circle around me and just love away the spot that was missing him. I think about it and I know that I am truly blessed. In that there came a renewing of sorts.

I nurtured a friendship that had gotten stale. I let go of a few that no longer had purpose. I opened my heart to the possibility of love. With all of that happening (haphazardly just like these words) I forgot that even in the middle of it all can come things that stop you. Things that change you. Things that cause you to think long and hard about a backup plan. I don't have one. I don't want one. And I know that maybe I need one. Maybe I need to think long and hard about what might happen if? But I can't or just won't anymore. And with that I'm done.

Thank-you to all my loyal readers. I wanted to recap this summer. I even had some thoughts spinning around in my mind. This certainly wasn't one of them, but it is what it is. I'm going to take a break from writing here for a while. Just know that I am moving forward come what may.

Listen

The hardest thing for most people to do is just listen. Listen to the feelings and the words that are being expressed. Listen to the tempo in a person's voice. Listening requires you to set aside your agenda and focus, really and truly focus on the sound coming from someone else. The hardest thing for people to do is listen to the hello that was missing. The goodbye that came too soon. The words in between would have tipped you off if you weren't busy not listening to you.

An ode to Janet or Michael or whoever truly inspired "You"