I guess I was supposed to have a backup plan. I was supposed to know that my summer wouldn't turn out the way I hoped. I was supposed to know that disappointment would lead to an indescribable feeling of elation. Really? How could I know that before the summer was out my grandfather would be gone? He left us but I haven't dealt with it. I haven't figured out how to. I didn't know his death would fall smack dab in the middle of one of the best summers of my life. I don't know that it mattered at least not in a practical sense.
His passing made me reflective but it also opened me up to receive love in a different way. I can't explain how amazing it was to watch people circle around me and just love away the spot that was missing him. I think about it and I know that I am truly blessed. In that there came a renewing of sorts.
I nurtured a friendship that had gotten stale. I let go of a few that no longer had purpose. I opened my heart to the possibility of love. With all of that happening (haphazardly just like these words) I forgot that even in the middle of it all can come things that stop you. Things that change you. Things that cause you to think long and hard about a backup plan. I don't have one. I don't want one. And I know that maybe I need one. Maybe I need to think long and hard about what might happen if? But I can't or just won't anymore. And with that I'm done.
Thank-you to all my loyal readers. I wanted to recap this summer. I even had some thoughts spinning around in my mind. This certainly wasn't one of them, but it is what it is. I'm going to take a break from writing here for a while. Just know that I am moving forward come what may.
