Christmas 2012

I'm sitting down to recap my Christmas holiday in Florida and all I hear is Usher singing " you got it you got it bad". That partially is because I just watched Behind the Music and partially because I do have it bad. When you are in love, it colors every decision, conversation, and thought. I am in love, but this is supposed to be about Florida. Lol! I spent 2 weeks in Florida. I can honestly say it was time well spent because I learned so many things. I learned to see the value in every experience. I arrived in Bradenton and went almost immediately to a funeral. I didn't want to go. I went because I felt compelled to. Being there brought back long silenced hurts and love that lay dormant. It was bitter with just the right kind of sweet. We laughed, talked, and remembered who we were to each other. The days after brought me face to face with 2 age old truths. 1. There is nothing like family. 2. Everybody is not your friend. Family I cherish every moment spent hanging out with my family. But, my sisters were a constant source of happiness over the time spent at home. It began in Tallahassee with Nikita and ended back in Tallahassee with Camille. Some will wonder when I got a sister named Camille. I won't know what to tell them except when I hugged her I wasn't hugging my friend anymore. In that moment, I knew her heart was knit to mine forever and I am fine with that. Jessica will say that we didn't get one on one time. She is right. She discounts what sitting next to her at the Love Campaign meant to me. She doesn't understand how just to see her smile across the table at "nasty lobster" :-) made my day. Jessica thinks that I've abandoned her. The truth is she is with me everyday. It isn't just Jessica. It is Bridget and Vanessa...Pretty Nikki too. I never imagined having so much fun with the one I hadn't quite bonded with. It is no secret she & I are polar opposites. But since leaving, she is the one I'm missing most. I smile when I look at the pictures of her outposing me the resident picture queen. Seeing Keyonce starting over ( thank you Lord) while being wooed by Keith Sweat was as satisfying as running breathless down the beach trying to avoid the rain. My sisters were a part of every moment. The joyous conversation with Hope gave balance to the raw moments with Jaime & Ramese. The endless laughter with Vanessa coupled with a decision that I know was very difficult for Chris to make. I can honestly say I experienced every emotion with my sisters on this trip. Friends I learned how to say goodbye without saying those words. Watching a 2 decades old friendship change shape before my eyes was so much easier than I imagined. I thought there would be a period of transition, but as I listened to him I realized that the transition had already taken place. All that was before me was my friend and that really touched me. I was going to lament about the frustration caused by a would be friend.... I don't think there's any need. I meet people and I see the good in them. I thought that was becoming a character flaw, but how could it be? I was made to love. What could be wrong with that? And right on cue I just got a call from my El-Shaddai. He technically wasn't in Florida. Nigeria is a world away. But, he travelled with me in my heart, my head, & of course he was there thanks to the wonders of modern technology. We have just had a great talk which I will admit changes my thought process in away that right now all I can do is end...until next time. Adayinthelife :-)

These Are My Confessions....The Girl I Was

Friends, I need your help. This is a serious inquiry to you from me. How can I rewrite my past like the people on Facebook, Twitter, and reality T.V. ? How can I erase the time when I cheated or the time when I lied? How can I begin to erase prom night (Mese???) I couldn't even if I tried. Can you explain how to get rid of the guys that I didn't really like? Or what about the time I served that drink & pretended I didn't know it was spiked? Facebook, I need you. Please help me. Won't you? Cause the more I think about it senior year could have been called "Mean Girls part 2". I bullied. I taunted. I punked girls twice my size. And yes dear friends, it was all for attention from guys. What can I say? I was a teenager. Isn't that what I was supposed to do? At least when I said "I love you", my words were true. But, back to the thing that's on my mind. Help me to rewrite it y'all. I've really been trying. I've said my apologies. I've covered them all. I even accepted the fact that I still have some faults. But my dear friends, I want to escape it... the good and the bad The endless array of mistakes that I wish I never had So tell me just one thing that you think I can do to erase the remnants of all I went through. C.Brooks for Sunday Morning Breakfast 12/5/12