Full Moon

I always wondered about the validity of strange things happening when there is a full moon. Right now I'm so utterly and completely confused that the full moon is the only thing I can blame it on.

I have been trying to put silence into practice this week. Not silence in the sense of completely not talking, but silence in the sense of not talking about certain things. It is going so well, but right now I feel like I'm being bombarded with....choices. All of the choices represent something I wanted at one point or the other. I just feel like it's all kind of random and bitter sweet. The choice that has me writing this at 1AM is something I hoped for, dreamed about, envisioned. The problem is the timing and the presentation. What I wouldn't give for this to have been 6 months ago. It is exhausting me even as I type. The list of pros and cons is neck and neck and I just don't know which way to go with this. Typing was supposed to clear my head, but it is making it spin a little more.

The most pressing thought that I'm having is what should I call this today? A few of my thoughts are silence is golden, please shut up, and why me? All of those would be fitting, but they would also require too much of an explanation. I can see it now. She thinks I'm referencing her inability to just mind her own business. This one thinks maybe her lame comment went too far. He sees everything in the universe as being about him and the rest...truly those would be the ones those titles were meant for. I just want a moment to vent. I want to vent about how on earth things are peachy one moment and the next they are just blah. How is it that my life is so topsy freaking turvy? Last night I sat up trying to remind myself that no matter what tangibly goes wrong, I am still in the center of God's will. That particular conversation fell on semi deaf ears because I know it, but right now I'm just not feeling it. Right now I'm sick of looking at white walls and nothing. Right now I just wish I was at home (Bradenton) where I didn't have to sit in a stupid hot house without air conditioning.... Actually, I did for a while there, but even that was not like this. I am over not having furniture. I am over 10 months on a stupid air mattress. I am over working in a stupid career and not being able to afford my own dinner when I go out with friends. I am over living from check to stupid check. I can't go anywhere that I want. I can't do anything without people paying for me or giving me gas money. I am just sick and tired of all of it. That is all.

Please do not respond to this message via email, fb, call, or text. I don't really have a positive thing to say about it right now. I just needed to get it out.

King David

I have been reading the bible stories about King David. I always thought that King David was interesting, but I never really felt like I identified with him at all. I remember wondering how he could be so loved by God. I only understood him in terms of being an adulterer and a murderer. I am so thankful that my reading lead me to see what all the fuss was about. King David was a murderer. King David was an adulterer. But King David never allowed his sin to keep him separated from God. He loved the Lord so much that he was quick to repentance and always had a praise before him. He loved the Lord more than the things of this world and that is a part of why he was so loved by God. King David's story touched me anew as I was reading. It reminded me of God's love. God's desire is that all turn to Him. He wants to forgive us in spite of whatever wrongs we purpose in our hearts. That is so comforting and so wonderful.