Sunday, May 13, 2012

Five

The jukebox in my head is playing 50 Cent. "Hate it or love it the underdog's on top...." It's also playing Eminem "I am whatever you say I am. If I wasn't then why would I say I am?" A cloudy Sunday afternoon with a head full of slightly old rap music. It's what happens to me sometimes. I reexamine a decision and my mind creates a play list.... a mini soundtrack. Right now I'm hating the decision and the soundtrack. The songs are defiant, but my action was cowardly. I placed myself in an impossible position and made a life altering decision out of fear. Many think it was fear of failure, when truly what was haunting me was the fear of success. What would have happened if I walked boldly, held my head high, and declared with God I can do this? What would have happened had I allowed God to see me through to His end? These questions are rattling around up there right along with Eminem and 50.... I am left with the reality that there is no going back. There is no taking back what I said or what I did. There is a little reflection. A bit more growth and the hope that I can at least better shape tomorrows play list.

5 comments:

the great cambino said...

Been years, almost forgot how much I enjoyed your blogs

Candy said...

It's great to know you still do :)

the great cambino said...

Always have. I always has the nice mixuture of .... well I don't feel like getting into it right now, but I love them. Saddly I just turned back to my blogs to vent... Well in reality, reveal a part of myself to the computer because I don't have anyone that I still feel comfortable showing myself too. Even with the computer I have to only go about toe deep

Candy said...

I know how that is. I recently have been in a similar position. I'm going to email you something I wrote on here and then took down. It's vintage Candy. Maybe it will put a smile on your face ;)

Candy said...

Actually, I didn't take it down. Just thought I had. It's the one before this "My Heart Skips A Beat"