Listen

The hardest thing for most people to do is just listen. Listen to the feelings and the words that are being expressed. Listen to the tempo in a person's voice. Listening requires you to set aside your agenda and focus, really and truly focus on the sound coming from someone else. The hardest thing for people to do is listen to the hello that was missing. The goodbye that came too soon. The words in between would have tipped you off if you weren't busy not listening to you.

An ode to Janet or Michael or whoever truly inspired "You"

Loving You Is Easy

Insomnia has me turning my feelings over in my mind. I have tried to imagine it. On the inside I know it exists, but at the moment I can't remember not loving you. I can't remember not having you as my friend. I can't remember that it was my idea to forget anything you ever did that made me feel anything but love. You let me cry and made me laugh. You helped me to be a girl and allowed me the space to grow into a woman. You have a piece of me and I am all that you are. My heart belongs to you and no time or distance will change our love. You are priceless. You are beautiful. You are special. You are Larren. You are Ramese. You are Shevin. You are Hope. You are Jaime. You are Alicia. You are Sandy. You are Elijah.You are Addie. You are Willie. You are Terrence. You are Charles. You are Eric. You are Monique. You are LaToya. You are Carl. You are Cameron. You are Anthony. You are Tia. You are Adrianne. You are Jessica. You are pieces of the love that has carried me through these years. I open my arms and I feel the warmth of your embrace. I know that loving you has helped sustain me. It has made me so happy just being a part of your love.

My Love Is Like A River Peaceful And Deep

Last night I was put on the spot. The question sounded fairly simple. "Do you love me?" I wanted to answer, but I took the easy way out and smiled. I smiled with my mouth, but it was the thing that happened with my eyes and with my body that should have betrayed my answer. My eyes said yes, my arms said hold me, and my mouth was quiet. It was quiet when all that was needed was yes. It was quiet because yes is not big enough for the feelings that I have. Yes does nothing for the moments when our eyes meet and I am calm and thrilled in the same instant.

My thoughts of you are round and messy and yes doesn't cover how it feels to miss you before you are even gone. Yes does nothing for the moments when I wonder how God shaped your hair, your mouth, and your eyes. What would yes do except complicate a completely simplistic exchange? Do I love you? Do I love you? Do I love you? Of course I love you unless then again I don't. ;)

It's Not What I Do, It's What I need.

This weekend has taught me some things about how people grieve. I always knew that each of us had our own way of going about things, but it was never so telling than this weekend. I spent the night that my grandfather died on a rooftop listening to music and watching people who looked like they hadn't a care in the world. There was a wide range of ages and ethnicities. Everyone united in a single quest to have fun.

I had fun. I had fun and for those few hours I didn't think about missing Pop or my mom being sad or anything really. I just thought about how my feet hurt and how I have some pretty amazing friends. My friends always seem to step right in without prompting. They seem to know that sometimes grief doesn't look like tears. Sometimes it looks like two friends sitting on a rooftop.

Mr. Lyle

Yesterday I celebrated with another of my friends. It was Courtney's wedding day. There were smiles and quite a few tears. I sat there feeling a little detached from it all. It was like I didn't want to think too hard about her mother's tears. I didn't want to think about how much I knew she missed Mr. Lyle.

Mr. Lyle is Courtney's dad. He was killed in an accident 6 months ago. He was there with us in every smile. He was there when her sons led her down the aisle. He was there, but I felt his absence hanging over me. I wanted him to see how pretty she looked. I wanted him to sit and look over at her in that way that only dads do. I know that he was with us but this morning I miss him still.