Recently I've been telling people I want to live the life I talk about. It seemed like the easiest way to explain the changes that have been taking place in my life. I only realized this morning that it has only served one purpose. I do want to live a life for God. I want to grow and learn and share the goodness of God. I never thought that everything else would have to be sacrificed, but lately it feels like I can't have anything that I want. I don't understand why every step forward is met with a dose of rejection or disappointment or just something negative to make me wonder what is this all for? I didn't expect to feel unhappy. I didn't expect to feel like I had way more fun before. I didn't expect to feel anything but happy all the time.
For the past two days I've been wondering if my life has changed so much, how come it still matters what people think? How can a new person do things differently and still get the same result? I am utterly baffled by this. Everyone who knows me can testify to the fact that I'm different so what gives? Why am I still stuck with the same stupid results? AAAAAAAAAAAh! I am in desperate need of a break through.
P.S. Please don't read this as anything except a bit of frustration. I know that regardless of how I feel God has my best interest in mind. I just need something great to happen.
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