In the past week I have thought alot about reconciliation. I know that a part of it is due to my being able to find so many of my classmates on facebook (I love the internet). A part of it is because I am wanting to address a feeling that has been plaguing me. I feel so disconnected from my friends, my family, my life. It's almost like I am existing outside of myself. I am in a happy place, yet I don't really feel like I'm there.
A prime example is how I feel about revival. We have been in revival at my church for the past couple of weeks. I've gone to just about all of the nightly meetings. I've listened, learned, and been inspired. But I can't put any of it into words. I used to be able to write little inspirational notes to others based on the things I'd learned. I used to be able to call a friend and talk about how good I felt just being there. I haven't been able to do that and I don't know why. I notice that I feel agitated about the freezing temperature in the sanctuary, the lack of singing, the time, whatever. Things that used to be of little consequence to me are so big all of a sudden. Last week I even missed an entire service because I was standing outside talking... The conversation was meaningful and touching and necessary even though it was initially unwelcome. It's just I never stood outside during an ENTIRE service. I never let something else so distract me.
It made me feel like I really want to be reconciled to the things I love. I want to hang out with my cousin. I want to pick fights with my brother about who's getting fatter (though at the moment I might want to let that one be). I want to have my friend Marcie come over with humus or some other contraption that I would never consent to eating. I want to actually see my dad. I want to feel like I'm helping to win souls. I want to go shopping. I want to go to the mountains. I want there to be a freaking FSU game on tv already! I want to have my car detailed....yes, that is something I love to do. I want to be able to write something besides this blog
1 comment:
Candy, this is so weird. I could have written this post starting from the 2nd paragraph. I have been feeling this disconnect too. I'm attributing mine to a need for some real sleep time but so much else is going on I don't know where to find that either. I am working in Bradenton now so maybe you and I can do lunch one day soon(My treat). Let's both hang in there and pray that "this too will pass".
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