Silencing Charlie

I am a little stunned and confused about the decision to prematurely end this season of Two and a Half Men. When I saw the headlines this morning, I was like WHAT?!!!! Are you kidding me? How can these cruell people silence my friend and confidant Charlie Harper?

As it turns out, the person that they are trying so desperately to silence is Charlie Sheen. Charlie is an addict and like most addicts Charlie is in denial. I feel for him on a human level, but that same part of me just wants the show to go on. I mean let's face it, the show is all about an addict who can't cope with his problems. Is that not true to Charlie Sheen's real life? I don't know how this whole thing is going to play out, but I tell you I don't think that silencing Charlie was the right way to go.

Don't Believe The Hype

So today is Valentine's Day and as Valentine's days go, mine is about a middle of the road. I started my day with sweet messages from some of my friends. I felt happy, but not really over the top. I already know that I have the best friends a girl could have. We tell each other we love each other all the time so doing it today didn't feel any more or any less important.

One of my coworkers asked me how many roses I received. When I said none, he looked at me a little puzzled and said I don't understand. He inquired further about the reason why. I said simply, I don't have a valentine. His response is what led me to write this. He said certainly someone loves you.

I just stared at him for a while. Then I smiled and walked away. I refuse to engage with him because while I knew what he was getting at, I'm tired of the pretense. I am not in a relationship, but that doesn't mean no one loves me. For me, the truth is almost exactly the opposite. I have a very strong network of people that love me and I'm good with that.

Faith The Size Of A Mustard Seed

I am having such a hard time lately. I am struggling with my faith. I am one of those people who just really believes God. I believe that God hears my prayers. I believe that God speaks to me. I believe the words of my pastor. In the past year there have been two significant tests of my faith. In both cases I had what I like to call blind faith. I believed that God would do something. I believed that God was speaking to me through the scripture, the sermons, and even directly. I turned my whole life upside down based on a belief in first one thing and then the other....



I am not interested in living like that anymore. I am not interested in holding on to things unseen. I am not interested in prophecy or scripture or any of it because all of it is draining me. All of it is making me question what I'm even trying so hard for.



Tonight I realized that I had reached the end of my rope. I had come to the point where I was willing to set aside everything I ever believed. I was ready to set aside the bible. I was ready to set aside God. But I have these friends that laugh with me when I want to laugh. They listen when I need to talk. And when I want to cry, they rub my back and speak life into my ear. As I lay there feeling completely lost, I remembered that all I needed to have was mustard seed faith.

Missing my dad

I have had the most emotional time lately. I experienced such joy on this past weekend. We had a men's conference at my church and God moved in a magnificent way. I felt like a brand new person when it was over. I saw breakthroughs for others. I felt moved by both the testimonies and the spirit.

I am certain that what I'm feeling in this moment is some test. It is a way to gauge just how much I believe God. It is to see just how much I trust Him. I am trying to silence my aching heart. I love my daddy. I love my daddy and it is difficult to imagine him being sick. It is so hard because I am here and he is there.

Last night I really really felt like moving back home. I know that will not fix or change anything. My dad is such a hermit that even if I was at home, I wouldn't always see him. It's just....I really love my daddy.