I am having such a hard time lately. I am struggling with my faith. I am one of those people who just really believes God. I believe that God hears my prayers. I believe that God speaks to me. I believe the words of my pastor. In the past year there have been two significant tests of my faith. In both cases I had what I like to call blind faith. I believed that God would do something. I believed that God was speaking to me through the scripture, the sermons, and even directly. I turned my whole life upside down based on a belief in first one thing and then the other....
I am not interested in living like that anymore. I am not interested in holding on to things unseen. I am not interested in prophecy or scripture or any of it because all of it is draining me. All of it is making me question what I'm even trying so hard for.
Tonight I realized that I had reached the end of my rope. I had come to the point where I was willing to set aside everything I ever believed. I was ready to set aside the bible. I was ready to set aside God. But I have these friends that laugh with me when I want to laugh. They listen when I need to talk. And when I want to cry, they rub my back and speak life into my ear. As I lay there feeling completely lost, I remembered that all I needed to have was mustard seed faith.
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