So I'm sitting here watching 90210 reruns feeling like I hate this show. I hate this episode. I hate the fact that they were so bad to each other sometimes and I remember I loved this show because at the time this is exactly how things were in my life. Friends dating around in a circle, backstabbing, hurting each other all over boys. Right now I feel so disconnected. Not just because I'm seeing my favorite show with adult eyes, but because so many things just aren't what they seem.
On Thursday I received a letter in the mail that is about to change the very fabric of one of my friendships. I don't even want to address it because I have so many questions.....so much disappointment. I'm a wreck about it and I don't even want to talk to the person because I thought things were on the up and up with us, but it's not and it may never be. I think it's because I trust people too much. I trust things to be just as people say they are. I never want to admit that things just aren't what they seem.
All day today I've had to deal with the fall out from me getting sick in church. I wish I didn't see it as fall out, but people sat there and watched me with their own eyes and didn't get the story straight. Don't get me wrong, everyone wants to feel like someone cares about them. I just......what happened to me was real, but even it wasn't what it seemed to other people.
I don't know I guess I'm just really disillusioned right now. It's almost like when you're little and you find out that your dad is Santa Claus and mom is the Easter bunny. You love them for the gestures, but you're sad because you realize something that you believed in is lost and it will never be the same.
No comments:
Post a Comment