It all started with I need your help. That's not true, it all started seven years ago in an apartment at Knight's Krossing. At that time I was naive, closed off from the possibility of my own greatness. I was not yet searching for completeness, but I was searching for acceptance. Acceptance isn't the right word. I think validation is more precise. I was searching for someone who understood me, who was in tuned with the inside of me.
I've always had people who accepted me. My family accepts me. My friends accept me. None of them get me. None of them understand what it's like to walk in my shoes. I feel things on a level that is often overwhelming for me. I often don't know quite how to put things into words and when I do I'm laughed at or misunderstood. It is terrible and extremely lonely at times. For example, I was completely serious when writing my last post. Problem is everyone thought it was for comic relief. I know that 90210 is a TV show, but I felt for Donna and David the same way I feel for my real friends. I know that in TV land they were meant to be. Their love is real.
Today was great because for two hours I was reminded that I am understood...at least by one person. He has always understood me even from our first meeting. He feels what I feel when I'm trying to get a point across. He hurts or is happy and it's awesome. It's awesome, but today in the midst of it all was a crease. We had a wrinkle in the fabric of our relationship.
I always thought that I had been naked before him. I always thought that he knew the truths without me telling them, but the one thing that he didn't know was that he is my truth. He is my beginning and my end. He is my acceptance and my failure. He is the possibility and the improbability. He is me and I am him, but we are two. Two hearts, two lives, two beings whose lives intersected by chance or maybe by fate. I have always believed that we were meant to meet. What would it be like if we were meant to be?
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