Number One

I've spent my whole life wanting to be #1. I've never felt like I was the most important person to anybody. Right now I feel the weight of that statement. Right now I feel it crushing me. I just want to be #1. I want to be a priority instead of a second or third or fourth thought. I want to know how it feels more than anything.

The saddest thing is people will read this and not understand. People will read it and not accept the simplicity of I just want to be #1. People will read it and not be able to imagine what it feels like to not ever be considered first. I feel every bit of it, but I can't capture how it makes me feel. I can't explain the nagging. I can't explain the way it is when no one sees your need as priority. I can't explain why I don't even prioritize myself. My life is and has always been prioritized by the needs of others. What does this person or that one need. I bend over backwards to accomodate every single person except the one who keeps having to accept less. I just want to be number 1.