I have been pondering something for a little while now. Is having the title minister about spreading the gospel or is it about being able to stand up in front of the church. I have been in "minister training" since last year. In the beginning, I was on fire. I was so ready to take on all of the challenges. I made sure that I read my bible and made most of the meetings. I told all of my family and friends about it. At some point, I became disenchanted.
Truth be told I became disenchanted with the process. This statement is not a reflection on those in charge. It is a reflection on me. I didn't understand what I was supposed to be doing. I didn't understand where I was in it all. I also didn't ask. I just went along allowing a small thing to push me further and further away from the goal. I even told myself that my backing away was about something else.
I cheated myself and I cheated those that had come to rely on me for encouragement or scriptural reference. I became so entangled in my own confusion that I created confusion for others. It was only when I couldn't stand the the uncertainty of it all that I began to question myself. Were my motives in the right place? What is the purpose of being called a minister? Could I not witness and operate without the title?
Of course I could. I could go about my life as I have been without so much as a thought to being called anything except Candy. The thing is I have been "called". I have been set aside to do more than sit in the pew. I have been given a task that is greater than my own desires. It surpasses any bout of personal doubt or confusion. I am not convinced that I have it all together, but I know the journey is worth taking.
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