Changes

I've reached my breaking point. I didn't imagine it would come to this. I didn't imagine that I would feel like the only solution was for me to walk away. But here I am preparing to do it again. I'm walking away because somehow at some point me just being who I am became too much. Me just living and loving the way I always have. I make no apology about the way I am, the way I was raised. I am who I am apologetically. If I am your friend, I will love you through the laughter and the tears. I will love you through disappointments. I will love you even when I feel like I've run out of love to give. I've reached that point today. I've reached the point where I don't feel like I can be the friend that I once was and it hurts me, but in this moment there is nothing. I feel angry. I feel hurt. I don't feel love. I feel like it is all so surreal. I don't know how we got here.

I wish there was peace. I want peace so bad. I want the times when we stayed up half the night just talking and laughing. I want hours on the phone hashing out the meaning of life, some interesting scripture, or nothing at all. I want to feel like I have my friend. But I was told that things change. Things have to be different and I should show respect for what is now. I wonder who shows respect for what was before. I wonder, but there is no room for an answer. Things do inevitably change. I guess the problem is my love stayed the same.