A few days ago a friend told me that I have a habit of hiding behind my words. I agreed and disagreed with his assessment. So much of what I write is just for me to get it out at that moment. It becomes about hiding when I stop and think about the questions that people will ask. When I have to deal with the fall out of something that is just me having a moment about something or taking a time out, I resort to evasive writing. So I decided, after a much needed bonding session with my cousin (love you AJ), to come clean. Here's the deal. Since April 24th I've written 25 or 26 posts. All of those, with the exception of about 5, were about the same person. Now I realize that most people have no idea who that person is. Well, it's Eric. Eric is my very best friend. I don't say that to discredit any of my other friends. I say it because he's my laughter, he's my protector, he's my confidant. He's my everything that I thought I ever needed or wanted in a friend. Up until recently, I had never told him a lie. I had never kept anything from him. But I made a bad decision and decided that withholding the truth wasn't exactly a lie.
Our relationship has been strained in the past months. It has been strained by a question that has not had a conclusive answer. It has been strained because I didn't feel like he should bear the weight of what was going through my mind. So I dressed a lot of my writing in different clothes. I pretended that things that I could care less about were important.
I decided on Thursday that I didn't want to do that anymore. I didn't want to hide behind my words. I didn't want to, but even when I talked to him I still did. I talked to him, but I didn't tell him that 20 of those 25 posts was all about what's been going through my mind concerning him. I talked to him, but he still hasn't read "That Girl". I talked to him, but I hadn't stopped hiding behind it all until right now. He is my best friend. He is the beginning and end of many of life's pressing thoughts. That's about all I plan to say about this. Charles, I hope you're happy now.
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