In the beginning

In the beginning of a relationship there are so many moments that happen. There are so many things racing by that we often forget to just stop and look and reflect. I'm feeling reflective because I think I'm at the beginning and I don't want any of the things to pass by and fade into nothingness.

I want to remember the very first time he said "you are absolutely beautiful". I felt completely exposed almost like I was naked. I had a frown on my face courtesy of my sixth period class and all I wanted was to go to home and go to bed. But he saw me as beautiful. I remember looking into his eyes and feeling every one of his words. He puzzled me. He intrigued me. When he smiled, I wanted it to go with me. I wanted to take it to my house and fill all the empty space. I wanted to wear it as my shield everyday when my kids started to drive me nuts. The problem was I didn't even know his name. I just knew that he thought I was beautiful just as I was.

After that, I found reasons to run into him. He always had a smile and a kind word. I looked forward to seeing him and if he wasn't there I was sad. I was sad because there was something about him that just made me want to know more. Then, I remembered. I'd already had a funeral for shy and there was really no more room for her.

I was like a bumbling idiot the day I decided to talk to him. I couldn't remember anything that I'd rehearsed. All I wanted was for him to call me, but I just stood there stuck in a moment. Even then, he made me feel like everything was going to be ok. I got lost in the sound of his voice coaxing me to talk to him.(I really love the sound of his voice.) I couldn't say a word, but I was so happy with myself because I tried.

Thankfully, he called me. Since then there have been so many moments in such a small amount of time. He looks at me like I'm the only person in the world. He smiles and I am so at ease. He's thoughtful in a way that is new and exciting for me. I am happy. I am hopeful. I am relishing the beginning.