No Trust... No Relationship

I want to, but I don't know how to trust you. I don't know how to believe you will do the things you say. I don't understand how I'm supposed to respond to your words or be moved by your actions. I was taught that seeing is believing, but even when you prove yourself to me I don't know how to accept what is right there.

You told me that you loved me. I thought that I believed it. I thought that I wanted to exist inside of the expanse of your love. But I found myself questioning your commitment. I found myself wondering how you could possibly know that you loved me. How could you love me when I was so cold?

Believe in me is what you kept saying. Believe in me because my words are true. I heard them, but couldn't listen. They sounded just like everyone who had said them before you. They promised to love me. They promised to be right where you keep saying that you are. Each one of them left me. Each one of them stole pieces of my heart.

Now you want me to trust you? You want me to lean on you? How will you break my fall? How will you catch me when you won't even be there? I know you said you would, but those are words that's all.

I want to be with you. I want to believe you. I want this relationship to work. But I'm battling with so many things. I'm trying to forget the one who taught me how much love hurts. I'm trying to forget the one who taught me to look forward to lies. I'm trying to forget...

You keep saying you love me. You keep holding out your hand. You keep forgiving me when I turn my back on you. You keep telling me to trust you, but I can't.

I can't trust you because I'm not ready. I can't trust you because this just can't be real. I can't trust you because I've been broken and I'm not sure how I'm supposed to heal.

I want to trust you God. I need to. Can this relationship be real?

Adayinthelife :-)