I remember being in that space. I was wrapped up in the circumstances that produced one negative feeling after the next. I was so far into my feelings that I thought the world would be better without me. For several days I cried and asked God to just take me. Take me and let me be done with living a life where I was nothing more than a failure. Take me and let me be free of the constant adversity and turmoil that I faced.
That was the lowest point of my life, but it was not because of what was happening around me. It was the lowest point because I had decided on the way that I wanted God to solve the problem. I was so wrapped up in me that I thought it was ok to give up with God's help. I was afraid to commit suicide, but I was not afraid of asking God to end my life.
I asked Him over and over to let me go, allow me to give up the fight that I didn't want to win. Let me go so that I could still the rush of my own expectations. Let me go so that I could end what I was sure He had erred in even allowing to begin.
Clearly, God had different plans. He didn't allow me to give up. What He did was gave me the space to see how much of the trial I had already made it through. He gave me the space to see that there could be glory in the midst the storm if I let Him help me. He gave me the space to see that it was ok that I failed. It wasn't the end of the world or even near it. It was only His way of helping me learn how to fight.
Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children. For what children are not disciplined by their father?
Hebrews 12:7
Adayinthelife :-)
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