What it feels like just being a girl...

I know it's been almost a month since I devoted anytime to my lovely blog. It's not that I didn't have anything to say. I have had moments where I could have, maybe even should have said something. The truth is I just didn't feel like it. I didn't feel like saying anything about how I finally realized what goes through the minds of people who "go postal". I didn't want to say anything about getting myself all dressed up for another interview that didn't yield a positive result. I certainly did not want to talk about how for 2 nights in a row I just laid in the bed thinking about a male friend of mine. Trust me the thoughts were PG, but I just kept thinking for crying out loud woman go to sleep! To make matters worse, these thoughts hit the road with me and totally took over my mini vacation.

I DID want to talk about how sick I am of certain people acting like they know what goes on in my mind....really you don't so SHUT UP already. SOOOO for almost a month I didn't say anything. I didn't write about how I finally went to the right wedding. Didn't talk about why I just had to go to ATL.....it really wasn't about what anyone was thinking. Didn't talk about how hard it is to write under scrutiny when all you want to do is say what you want to say without all the bull....

Right now I think that I'm in such a weird place. I am aware of myself and my surroundings in a way that I never have been. I look at myself and I see a hot chick. I don't care who has something to say about that because for years I didn't see anything good at all. I didn't have an appreciation for the way my eyes light up when I know that I look good. I didn't realize how much I liked my own smile. It is weird because I find myself constantly having to defend why I take so many pictures or why I always say this or that about myself. I never knew that people could be so judgemental when all I want to do is celebrate being who I am.

I'm ok with being vulnerable. I'm ok with feeling like I want someone to be there with me. I'm ok with laughing and crying with my girlfriends. I'm ok with being single.....now really I'm so over it, but it's different. I haven't looked for anyone to fill that void. I haven't picked someone just so I can say I'm with whoever. I'm doing it by myself and it is hard every single day. I'm ok because despite that I haven't compromised. I'm at just so in touch with everything that makes me a girl. I'm loving my hair, my hips, my thighs, my scatter brained thoughts....all of it. I am who I am and finally all of it is alright with me.